“So whenever we are in need, we should come bravely before the throne of our merciful God. There we will be treated with undeserved kindness, and we will find help.” Hebrews 4:16 CEV

Many have passed away during the pandemic — parents, spouses, children, and church members. These are repeated traumas for families, aggravated by the current crisis that prevents us from carrying out the traditions that honor those who died, which magnifies the pain and frustration for their family members.

Death or loss begins a grief process, and funeral rites are part of saying goodbye. The emotional pain is increased when that goodbye is thwarted, and the pain can turn into anger, even anger against God.

In this process, the first days after death and the funeral are a time of overwhelming sadness. It is a time of weeping and pain for the loss.  The grieving person is processing the separation from someone beloved. The image of the one who is now gone remains present in the daily routines. The person might think they hear the voice of their loved one, or even believe they feel them there. Later, as the days pass, loneliness and sadness grow.  This is all a normal part of grieving, which lasts about one year. During that time, the pain slowly decreases as the individual finds a new way of life without the presence of their loved one. When this process does not occur, and the pain and suffering do not slowly diminish, it is time to seek help.

During this time when it is not possible to observe the normal funeral rites, we suggest the following:

  1. Understand that even if you cannot observe funeral traditions like before, your love for the person who passed away is the same.
  2. Keep in mind that you can honor your loved one through social media by writing about your feelings, ideas, stories or situations that remind you of that person. Write brief memories of joyful times with the person who has died. Memories never die. This is a way to honor them, and in that way you can begin the normal process of grief.
  3. Though the pain and the sadness are real, it is important to make the decision to say goodbye to the person who has died. It is like passing your memory from the side of your heart that is hurting to the other side, which remembers with joy and gratitude, but without pain. Saying goodbye is understanding that life moves on.
  4. Even in the midst of suffering, it is important to begin again to follow the normal routines of home, work, childcare, etc. You must do them consciously and intentionally, which will help you to recover and feel better.
  5. Begin to make small changes in how you live and act, which can help you move out of the sadness. God will sustain you and will be your comfort and peace in these painful times.

May God help you put into practice what you have learned today.

COVID-19 Response Team, Mesoamerica Region, Church of the Nazarene