“Beloved, let us love one another;  because love is from God.  Everyone who loves is born of God, and knows God.  He who does not love has not known God;  because God is love.  1 John 4:7-8 KJV.  1960

No marriage is perfect, but many fall into what we can call relational death, this is when a couple grow apart or separate little by little and a gap grows every day between them, which ends in frustration and so much anger that it can lead to big problems like infidelity, separation or divorce.

Usually when this happens, the spouses end up doing a lot of damage to each other and to their children. They become innocent and silent victims of this tragedy that many homes experience.

At the beginning, they do not realize that their relationship is in crisis, they believe that the fights, the anger, the tensions, etc., are just difficult moments, daily tensions or part of the character of each other and they normalize it as a way of acting and of being treated.  However, if these behaviors are not corrected in time, the situation tends to grow until it becomes something serious.

There are some behaviors that give us indications that the marriage relationship may be close to a relational death, these are:

  1. Not enjoying being together. When a couple begins to enjoy being with other people more like their friends, co-workers, or others, than being at home with their loved ones is a first sign that something is not right in the relationship.  You no longer feel joy, nor do you enjoy being with your partner.  Ask yourself how you feel when you are with your spouse?
  2. Desire to be away from the partner. This is a feeling or desire that some spouses have.  They don’t want to be home if their partner is there, or one (or both) of them likes to spend more time away from home than at home so they don’t have to spend time with their husband or wife.

Home should be a place of rest, where one feels safe and comfortable, but if you don’t feel that at home with them and only feel it when your spouse is away, this is another sign that something needs to be corrected.

  1. To be, but not to be. This is when the couple is at home, but each one is always on their own, they spend a lot of time on a personal hobby, as if this were their whole world, and the relationship and interaction with their partner is minimal.
  2. Inadequate communication. Along with all of the above, another negative element is when the couple does not have adequate communication, they communicate only what is essential since they feel that they do not have much to communicate.  In some cases they do it only to complain about the other, or about the situations at home, also to compare their family or couple relationship with those of other known families or couples.

All this indicates that communication is poor, therefore, there is a void in the relationship that grows larger every day.

  1. Unsatisfied intimate relationships. This is when intimate relationships are not pleasant, or are sporadic, as well as when they occur just for compliance or routine.

All these bad attitudes in the marriage bond are signs that the relationship is in crisis, is deteriorating and can fall into relational death.

If you want to change this, first, thoroughly review your marriage relationship, ask yourself how you feel at home with your partner, do you miss them when they are not there?  Do you feel good when you get home? Do you enjoy being with your partner?  Do they laugh? Is there peace? Do they share all family issues, or just some?  Answering these questions will give you information on the status of your marriage relationship.  You could measure it with a score from 1 to 5, with one being the most negative and five being the best.

On the other hand, try to find the causes of what they see that is not right or can be improved, ask yourself: when did this start?  what happened?  what was the cause?  Then talk about it and forgive each other if necessary.  Decide to be happy with your partner.  Discuss the issues that are causing these estrangements, and make the necessary changes, break the estrangement and rejection, and most of all, ask God to renew the love in your relationship.  Pray with faith to the Lord and he will give you a new desire to be together and to enjoy a complete and supernatural relationship with your partner.

“Love one another” says the scripture passage, remember that God is love.

May God help you in everything you undertake today.

Doctor Miguel, and Irene Garita

Family Care Ministry

Church of the Nazarene, Mesoamerica Region